01 September 2008

It's worse than I thought, y'all

(Note. I’ve been criticized for my “excessive” use of “y'all.” To that I say: Screw all y'all. It is my cultural right as a ½ Georgian to use whatever Southern bastardizations of the English language I want. Just be glad I don’t adopt a Southern accent.)

The Republican candidate for VP is scary. And that’s scary above-and-beyond the regular creepiness conservatives usually project. It’s not that she’s pro-gun, pro-life, and pro-destroying the environment for big business. That’s par for the course, no? It’s not that she’s a former beauty queen with only two years of federal government experience. It’s not that her 17 year old daughter is pregnant (poor kid, to have that be international news). It’s not that she (apparently) used to be a commercial fisherman - nothing really wrong with that as along as she didn't sell endangered fish to the black market (although, I have no way of knowing if she did or not).

The worst of it, from my perspective, is a small thing, but it really says a lot about who she is. Of her 5 kids:

  • one has a marginally normal name (Willow)
  • one has a name approaching unusual (Piper)
  • one has the name of a city in the UK (Bristol)
  • two have fake names (Track and Trig).

Even giving her the benefit of the doubt for “Bristol,” what the hell is up with Track and Trig? How is Track a name?! And Trig, is that short for Trigger or Trigonometry? While we’re on the math theme, why not a kid named Stats or Al-geo? Or maybe she always wanted dogs named Track and Trig, but she’s allergic and can’t have dogs. I wonder if these names stem from her beloved pastime of hunting animals (my tone is judgmental, while I am not). Maybe I should name my kids after my pastimes? Little Remote and Deeveedee will be so popular and adored, simply because I didn’t name them Karen or Dana.

I can’t help but think that if she doesn’t have the sense to give her children actual names, then do we really want her one breath away from ruling the US? I think even Bush’s kids have normal names! Right? There’s Jenna and, um, The Other One. Regardless, she has less sense than Bush! God help us.

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